Showing posts with label SS United States Silver Screen Review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SS United States Silver Screen Review. Show all posts

Monday, April 4, 2022

SS United States Silver Screen Review: Ich war noch niemals in New York (2019)

Ich war noch niemals in New York (German for "I've never been to New York") is a movie based off the eponymous jukebox musical showcasing the music of Udo Jürgens'. The musical premiered in Hamburg, Germany in 2007. From there, productions have mainly been staged through Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, but there was also one in Japan. There doesn't appear to be an English translation, but that could be due to Jürgens not being as well-known in English-speaking countries. The German-speaking movie came out in 2019. I was not familiar with Jürgens or the musical before seeing the film, so my review won't have any prior notions or influences from those sources. 

Ich war noch niemals in New York is the story of TV presenter Lisa Wartberg struggling to keep her show on the air. Her mother Marie has a fall and ends up in the hospital. When she comes to, she has lost all her memories -- except she knows she has never been to New York. After escaping the hospital, she stows away on a New York-bound ocean liner, with Lisa following her trail. Magic, hijinks, and dance numbers ensue on a cruise to remember!

The movie is a nonsensical, ridiculous, feel-good, fluff movie musical. It embraces many of the tropes of golden-age musicals, but with modern storylines. It's played over-the-top, but sometimes that's exactly what you need.

Even though it is a jukebox movie musical, the songs appear to fit well with the plot. They took a Mamma Mia approach to this story's creation.

Everyone in the cast just exudes enjoyment and fun. It's clear everyone loved filming this. Katharina Thalbach in particular (who played Marie) looks like she is having the time of her life. 

I really liked how, along with the main middle-aged main characters, there were also gay and older-age relationships represented. It's great to see more different couple groups represented. That said, the main cast is all white. Some extras are Black, but otherwise not much racial diversity present.

The time period seems vaguely 60's/modern-day. We have period costumes and ship décor, but also modern-day cell phones, laptops, and mentions of Brad Pitt. It's in its own universe, and you know what? I'm okay with that. I want to live there. Every color has high saturation to makes everything pop. It's so pretty. 

There gets to a point towards the end where I felt there hadn't been a dance number in a while. There had been songs, but they were emotional ballads, not with a lot of characters. I needed a little pick-me-up somewhere during that stretch. Of course, the finale features a dance number, so it still ended on a good note.



So, let's now stow away and take a look at this ship.

The SS United States plays the role of the Maximiliane, the ship our characters cruise on to New York, and the setting for a majority of the film. The ship shows up here via CGI. Unlike her last few movie appearances, she is fully restored in appearance to her cruising days. There are some gorgeous, gorgeous establishing shots of the ship sailing the ocean. It brought so much happiness to my heart. A good sample of them are featured in the trailer:


The film built a couple practical sets, including a dining room with stage and dance floor, cabins, the crew communal barracks/mess hall, hallways, and an outdoor pool. Much of the set features wooden décor and fixtures, but this film ship doesn't appear to be designed by William Francis Gibbs, so that's okay.

I initially assumed choosing the SS United States' exterior was a post-production choice. However, there is a ship map in a hallway that clearly shows the SS United States profile.

Still from Ich war noch niemals in New York (2019)
Ship map on right, outlined in orange.

The outdoor pool is placed on the ship's forecastle. It gives the forward superstructure a cluttered look. It's also weird because the pool has its own lifeboats that are hanging a deck below the rest of the ship's lifeboats, so they're not in line. The pool would have made more sense if it had been midship or aft, but I'm not sure it would have been shown on film as often if it hadn't been placed on the forecastle.

Still from Ich war noch niemals in New York (2019)
The Maximiliane / SS United States with updated forecastle
(Note the 3 gangways at the terminal (right) sticking out without any support!)

A change they made to the superstructure to accommodate the pool set was add an extra deck between the Sports Deck and the Navigation Bridge, so that the bridge could still be visible. You can really tell this when you look at the bridge wings' supports, they are longer than they are in real life.

Still from Ich war noch niemals in New York (2019)
Orange arrow pointing to bridge wing and its support

An orange arrow pointing to a bridge wing and
its support on the actual SS United States

There's also a couple minor paint choices changes I noticed. The white aft line that curves down to include a lower deck level is missing. Instead, the line stays at the same level all the way around the ship. The aluminum mast is colored white in the film. The top of the funnels appears to be either black or dark, dark, dark navy. And then we have some red lines that are present when we have a couple of wide panning shots around the pool, but these do not show up in shots that are further pulled back.

When we reach New York, there's an establishing shot where the ship is docked at Pier 88, New York's current cruise terminal. Then, when two characters Otto and Costa are leaving the ship, the building says the ship is at Pier 57.

Like the movie itself, it makes better sense if you don't think too much about the details. I'm just happy it's here.



FINAL THOUGHTS
The Movie: A fun, relaxing break from the crazy world we live in. 3.5/4
SS United States: We are on the ship so much! But it's not the real ship... 2.9/4

Sources:


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Tuesday, May 16, 2017

SS United States Small Screen Review: American Gods (2017)


I'm back back back back back again! Our prayers have been answered, and Starz's has brought Neil Gaiman's American Gods to the small screen.

[Disclaimer: American Gods has explicit sex scenes, full nudity, and graphic violence. It might not be suitable for younger audiences]

American Gods is the story of Shadow Moon. Shadow gets out of prison a few days earlier than expected because his wife is killed in a car accident. With no family ties and no job, Shadow accepts a bodyguard job offer from a man going by the name of Mr. Wednesday. Shadow is thrust into a new world where the impossible is normal, faith is tested, and a sacrifice will have to be made. Americana-supernatural ensues.

There is one reason I am watching this series: Bryan Fuller. Bryan Fuller is one of my favorite writers/producers. He creates these all-around beautiful, quirky, and poignant series. These shows develop cult-like followings, but also have a terrible tendency of getting cancelled too soon. Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me, Pushing Daisies, Hannibal (the TV Series), to name his most well-known works (and some of my favorites thrown in as well). American Gods is currently beating the odds -- before episode 3 aired, Starz announced the series would have a second season!

I read the book American Gods once it was announced Bryan Fuller was creating the adaptation. The book was interesting. I liked the story and mythology created. I loved the idea of what the modern era's religions are, to whom our modern society "prays" to. That said, looking back I didn't enjoy the journey in-between the main story. The book would go for long stretches where nothing was really happening, or get side-tracked on a one chapter story. Action was out there, but Shadow was either kept unaware of it, or kept out of it.

The show, so far, has been a fairly faithful adaptation. Maybe because I know the story now, the bumps I had with the book are not bothering me as much as in the series. Although, it still hasn't pulled me in yet. Hannibal also was that way at first, so I'm hoping it's just figuring out its footing right now.



So, where is your ship now?



We're up to Episode Three right now. In one of the one-chapter stories, one guy has an appointment with this businessman that never appears, so he waits there all day. It's really sad (It gets better for him later). Anyway, one of the first shots of the waiting room shows a framed photo of the RMS Queen Elizabeth docking in New York City.

Still from American Gods (2017) S1E3 by Starz

This particular shot is long (and the guy is mainly sitting there), so I had a bit of time to admire the long-lost dame pictured. I also started to look in the background, where I noticed a ship already docked at a pier. Were those tri-colored columns? Are they irregularly shaped? Not wanting to cry wolf, I went off to find the original image. After trying a couple combinations, "queen elizabeth docking new york black and white" brought me to the image. Well what do you know! It is the SS United States! That's probably her tiniest cameo to date. Very tiny, very not-at-all-important-to-the-story, but a cameo's a cameo!



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FINAL THOUGHTS
The Series: Series still in progress, but faithful adaptation. 4/4 (tentatively)
SS United States: It's in the background of a picture you can see in one shot. 1/4



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Thursday, February 16, 2017

SS United States Silver Screen Review Conclusion (For Now)

When I started this series 2 years ago (!!), I originally had not seen/had no intention of ever seeing most of the movies on this list. It's a very eclectic list of shows, from musicals and comedies, to thrillers and children movies. How do I feel now? Some I'm glad I gave a chance. Others could have stayed unwatched.

What did I learn from it all?

It seems difficult to film on an ocean liner, especially interiors. Interiors can be cramped. Film crews oftentimes need space, in front and behind the camera. Film crews also need time to shoot and re-shoot. Liners cannot justify giving over one of their dining rooms or ballrooms for a film to shoot multiple scenes. It's not fair on the ship's passengers. Every space on board is already precious. It's easier for films to build their own ship set on a sound stage.

In movies in general, an ocean liner is a vehicle of transportation. People are getting on board so they can get going to somewhere else. It's the ship's job to advance the plot by advancing the characters to where they want to go. A boat only becomes a main setting when something major happens on board that changes the characters' life in some way. An Affair to Remember. The Poseidon Adventure. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Titanic. Unless that thing is present, there's no reason to chronicle life aboard a 5-7 day voyage at sea.

Why choose the SS United States? Some of the time, the ship was not even part of the story, just making a cameo because it was in port the time of the shoot. When she was cast as 'the ship' in movies, it was because she was a novelty, or recognizable with her patriotic funnels. Or maybe films shot on whatever ship was available; the Queens both still got plenty of movie work. She disappeared from the spotlight once she was laid up in Hampton Roads. That area of Virginia tends to not be a popular film area. Once the ship moved to Philadelphia, the ship started to appear in movies again, and in new ways. She became an excellent industrial/quasi-abandoned location. Yet what sets her apart from other locations is she can be easily accessed (with the right permissions) and is structurally sound and safe.

So, what were my Top 3 ranked movies? Combining their movie rating with their SS United States rating, it is as follows:

1. A Series of Unfortunate Events
2. Bon Voyage
3. Dead Man Down

What was the worst ranking movie? The Water Horse. Like there was any contest. I still can't believe I have that DVD laying around my house somewhere.


So, is the Silver Screen Review over? As long as the SS United States is around and popping into movies, the Silver Screen Review will not end!



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Monday, February 13, 2017

SS United States Silver Screen Review: Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955)

Let me let you in on a little secret: Gentlemen Marry Brunettes was a pain to find. There is an online video available, but the sound starts speeding up and goes out of sync with the visuals. You can't watch a movie like that. It's available on DVD... internationally. And international DVD's are not compatible with United States' DVD Players. I asked my local library to find a copy in their InterLibrary Loan system. They replied they exhausted all options and couldn't find it. I did a "Request A Movie" to Turner Classic Movies to play it on their channel (still waiting to hear back on that. Judging by the website's reviews, it was last played in 2010 in a Jane Russell marathon; it's clearly a movie in high demand). I was desperate. Then, out of the blue, another video appeared online, with audio and visuals in sync. It was a miracle. Thank you to the kind soul on the interwebs. Who knew the sequel to Gentlemen Prefer Blondes would be so unknown and obscure!

Is it actually a sequel? Only in name. It is an entirely new story and set of characters. The only ties between Blondes and Brunettes are the movies' titles and star Jane Russell (who plays an entirely new character).

This story - Two brunette sisters, trying to make it big in New York, aren't. They get a letter for an offer to try to make it big in Paris. Musical numbers ensue.

First things first -- there's no way to not compare Brunettes to its superstar predecessor. And it really can't hold a candle to it. This movie gives all it can, but it really doesn't go anywhere.

The characters feel lackluster. They don't have any big personalities. The sisters' agent in Paris is first characterized as a freeloader and thief of sorts, but then these traits don't even amount to anything. He falls in love and does his best to audition the girls around town, like any other agent. Jane Russell's character is supposed to be this dumb showgirl (the picture's answer to not having Marilyn Monroe here), but she only shows that when she can't say no to men proposing to her. Otherwise, she acts fairly normal. It would have been a stronger choice to say she was in love with love, rather than dumb.

Let's talk about a little more about love. The main characters are all thrown together in Paris. After briefly meeting for the first time, everyone is singing love ballads to each other the next time they meet. There isn't any build-up. If there's an instant love connection, the audience needs to see that. The audience saw that moment every time Marilyn heard a man had money in Blondes. If there's a slow build, the characters need to have the beats and moments to show that growth. The audience wants to see those magic moments. That's what they're here for, give them what they want!!

What it boils down to is I don't care about any of these characters. Blonde's characters were big enough and had obvious foils. I felt bad for Marilyn when she got herself stuck in a porthole. I felt bad for Jane when she found out the Olympic Team she had been eyeing had to be in bed by 9pm. Brunette's characters were too vague that they didn't make me care for their struggles.

Who I do feel bad for is Jane Russell. In Blondes, she got to showcase her comedy and talent better. She had a twinkle in her eye and a smirk on her lips. She was more in her element. Brunettes felt more like she was going through the motions.

Not helping any of the characters is the plot. There's not enough drama, and what little there is doesn't have enough gas to go on for long periods of time. These characters aren't put in any truly trying situations. It just feels like a lot of annoying buzz. Why are they going to Monte Carlo? I couldn't be bothered. Who is giving them all these expensive presents? I'm sure it will all be revealed at the end, so can we get there now? Towards the end of the movie, the little bit of conflict is mostly caused by a diabolus ex machina character entrance. This plot is downright lazy. Most of the drama is in quick shock-value moments and gimmicks. The club owner wants them to be topless/wear almost nothing? Nightmare dream sequences based on ethnic stereotypes? A musical number with actors in blackface portraying an African tribe, and the main singing star is wearing a gorilla costume? (To say the least, this movie didn't age well)

Both me and the person I was watching this with turned to each other halfway through and said we didn't care for this. We both love musicals and we're both brunettes, but we weren't fans.

This movie felt like a quick cash grab. Because it is a watered-down version of the first movie, it was never going to be as huge a success.

Okay, let's flip this discussion. Does Brunettes do anything better than Blondes? Well, they had a bigger budget. Blondes went to "Paris," but their Paris was limited to interior locations that were on sound stages. Brunettes made sure you knew they were shooting outside, inside, on location in France. They shoot at a museum, they're up on the Eiffel Tower, they even have a scene by the Seine!



Another thing Brunettes did better than Blondes? They used an actual ocean liner for their shots... the SS United States!



This is the second film the SS United States ever appeared in, but the first one on the list in color! GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR AND CINEMASCOPE!!

The ship is mentioned early-on in the movie as the liner the sisters take from New York to France. At the end of the film, the girls are sailing back on, what else? The SS United States. Their lovers run aboard before it leaves port so they can proclaim their love to the sisters, or something.

The path the gentlemen take to find the ladies doesn't make sense ship-wise. They get on the ship midway down the port side. They then come out on the starboard aft side of the Sun Deck and head forward.

Still from Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955).
A silver stern cargo davit can be seen on the far left.
Pretty cloudy day.

In their next shot, they are mid-ship on the starboard side coming downstairs to the Sun Deck again and find the girls.

Still from Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955).
Going down to the Sun Deck... again? Aft funnel cameo.

Then, there's the case of the mystery stairs. The men come down the stairs after the sisters. They pass a smaller staircase, which is facing the longer stairs they just came down from.

Still from Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955).
Oh look, the sun came out!

To the right of these two stairs is a vent, where the main confrontation takes place:

Still from Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955)

So far, everything is fine and dandy. Mimi, the sisters' mother, is also there. She has a separate shot from her daughters:

Still from Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955)
Awkward shot to try to get most of the architectural details.

Mimi is situated between two staircases; one long, one short, both going down the same direction. These staircases are not near the sisters' shot. I have been looking at aerial/drone videos of the ship, and I cannot find where these stairs could be. It is possible one of these stairs were removed at some point. I have ruled out the shot was flipped to reuse the gentlemen's previously-passed stairs; the shorter staircase is facing the other way.

Finally, the movie ends with a beautiful shot that pans up from the water to the stern sailing away. I wish this movie was more accessible just for this shot to be seen by more people.

SS United States' stern in Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955)
And it's completely cloudy again. Weird weather we're having.

So let's tally it up. We have establishing shots of the ship at the pier, shots of actors running towards her at the pier, a shot of her leaving said pier, shots of actors running around the Sun Deck, and a beautiful panning shot of the stern sailing away. There was a lot of filming going on!



 BONUS: SHIP(S) IN GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES (1953)

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes mostly takes place on an ocean liner crossing the Atlantic. In the 1920's book which the movie is based off of, their ship is the RMS Majestic. By the 1950's, the Majestic was long gone. Although all the scenes were filmed on sound stages, a ship still had to be cast as the 'only way to cross.' Which one would they choose? Depends where you stop the movie.

The first ship you see is a model of the RMS Queen Mary, but look closely:

Model of the RMS Queen Mary in Gentlemen
Prefer Blondes (1953)

The ship is outfitted with the Mary's name, stacks, vents, and other details. But her body is unmistakably the RMS Titanic. It's a nice money-saving idea to reuse a model, and creates a very... interesting ship.

When they dock in France, the following shot is briefly shown:

SS Conte Di Savoia in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

The SS Conte di Savoia, back from the grave?! This ocean liner was bombed in 1943 and sank in shallow waters. In 1945, her burned hull was raised in the hopes of restoring her to some sailing use. When repairs were deemed too costly, she was scrapped in 1950 (source). How is she here then? Probably some stock footage from the late 30's/early 40's was used. Still, weird.

In the next shot, the movie fades to a black-topped smokestack whistling its steam horns. Didn't we just see the funnels were red on top?? Later, when the the ladies sail back to the States, a shot of the RMS Titan Mary appears again. These shots are shown very briefly and [mostly] spaced far apart from each other, which helps to overlook their inconsistencies while watching the movie.



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FINAL THOUGHTS
The Movie: I still prefer blondes. 1.5/4
SS United States: Great technicolor shots and a climactic scene on the Sun Deck. 3/4



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Monday, January 30, 2017

SS United States Streaming Screen Review: A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) [UPDATED]

A Series of Unfortunate Events is a dismal, sad, depressing story. Its author, Lemony Snicket, advises everyone to avoid the tale at all costs. I advise otherwise.

I read this book series when it was first coming out in bookstores. I owned the whole series. I think I was into the mystery surrounding everything and the premise that this was indeed going to be a series full of unfortunate events. It was something you didn't see in the youth genre, and on some level I appreciated that. I did enjoy it, but I only read it once. Odd, because I usually reread books I liked. I think I was left a little miffed at the questionable ending. I actually got rid of the books, another weird move on my part.

When the 2004 movie came out, I only saw it once (Am I sensing a pattern here?). I remember I did not enjoy it, probably because it deviated so much from the book series. I was a real stickler for sticking to the source material. Still am, but I'm now a little more forgiving.

So, I was not super crazy excited when the Netflix reboot was announced, only pleasantly excited. Netflix has done some great series, and reboots of recently filmed stories are still in vogue. It sounded like a good idea.

Then everything changed with one teaser trailer:


0:01 through 0:19, I was nodding my head. Ah yes. Netflix does not disappoint. At 0:20, I would have done a spit take if I had been drinking something. The SS United States?? Here??

So, A Series of Unfortunate Events instantaneously became one of my newest obsessions!



So let's get down to it. The series chronicles the tale of the three Baudelaire orphans whose parents are killed when their mansion mysteriously catches on fire. The Baudelaires are sent to live with their relative Count Olaf, who will do anything to get his hands on the orphans' family fortune. A series of unfortunate events ensues.

Season one of the Netflix series covers the first 4 books, with each book being covered by 2 episodes. There are 13 books in the series altogether, so there should be at least 2 more seasons.

This was a book lover's dream. ASOUE was everything Harry Potter fans were asking of their adaptation to film. No detail was skipped, no character was angry when they were supposed to be calm (I'm still bitter, Goblet of Fire), and there was enough time to cover everything significant and showcase the little details. There were changes and small additions, but every change/addition felt natural, like it could have always been that way. It dissolved into the world like a tasteless, odorous poison into a drink. They didn't contradict major plot points in the book, unlike the 2004 movie did. Everything felt authentic. I was pleased.


The world that was created had a huge Pushing Daisies feel to it. Quirky, morbid, artistically stunning visuals, stoic children, zany one-off characters, timeless fashion, an amazing narrator, and architecture to the T. Pushing Daisies is one of my favorite series, so the feeling was welcomed with open arms. Stills from each show could be confused with each other, except PD took the color saturation to 11, whereas ASOUE muted colors. ASOUE also made everything dingy and run-down-looking. [Feb 2019 Update: I have since learned that Barry Sonnenfeld was executive producer on both series, and is probably the reason for this artistic connection. Thanks go to Zenith Haas for alerting me to the connection :)]



Let's be honest, I was only here for the ship, you're only probably reading this because of the ship. I have dawdled long enough. Let's depart to the dreary dock.


I didn't remember a ship of her magnitude in the book series, so I was interested in how the Big U would fit in.

 The SS United States first appears briefly in the opening credits of each episode of the season. It's an image of the ship on a cork board, covered with strings tied to thumb-tacks. You later infer it is a montage of Lemony Snicket working, researching and figuring out how the different pieces of the story go together. I was pleasantly surprised to see the ship appear so soon.

Then we get to episode 3 & 4, aka "The Reptile Room." The SS United States stars as the SS Prospero, a ship headed towards Peru. Not much else is stated about the ship itself. It is supposed to take the orphans and their current guardian to Peru to finally get some answers and safety. What actually happens is the exact opposite. No one rides the boat, no one gets any questions answered, no one is safe (especially the guy that dies), and the season of unfortunate events continues on for 4 more episodes.

The SS Prospero in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
In the teaser trailer, she doesn't have a name on her bow.
In the episode, you can see "SS Prospero"

The ship enters the story (a-la the magic of CGI) in her current rusty state. The rust fits the look of the series well. Everything looks like it's been through a couple hurricanes. Only problem... like the current SS United States, there are no lifeboats on the SS Prospero. They should probably add some for future voyages, just in case...

Towards the end of the episode, Count Olaf boards the SS Prospero (as seen in the teaser trailer above). The inside of the ship is a set, and is not based on any of the SS United States' innards. One reason: wood. The stateroom walls look like wavy wood veneer, while the hallway you can see out the door is paneled wood. You can get a glimpse of the stateroom in the trailer below, 2:10-2:21.



Something has felt off. The SS United States feels like an odd fit. A very specific real world place was placed in this otherworldly series. There are no connections to the real world, except the SS United States and Peru. I can overlook Peru, because that was in the book series. The boat could have been any turn of the century steamship, and no one would have batted an eye. But no, they chose the SS United States. This is a very fine detail, but it won't stop bothering me, so I intend to get to the bottom of its mystery.



FINAL THOUGHTS
The Season: Absolutely Dreadful. 4/4
SS United States: It's CGI... but you see it a lot, relevant to plot, and you briefly go on it. 2.9/4


February 2019 Postscript:

The unfortunate Netflix series has concluded after three unfortunate seasons, so it is time to do a final review.

Should I have looked away? I believe I looked away at the right moment, during the end credits. It was a good adaptation through and through. The series stayed consistently superb.

Television/streaming series seem like the best adaptation medium for books that are dense/long/13 novels in length. It's a medium that can please old and new fans alike, and give every nitty, gritty detail. Everything can breathe, so you don't have to hit points every minute like you're decimating a checklist where everything on it has to be done in 2-3 hours. Simile, check!

Again, I have not reread the books, but I was surprised by what I could remember (They're actually triplets? Nailed it.). There was also a lot I had forgotten, so as the story progressed, it was harder to tell what had been added or changed. The changes I noticed (like adding VFD in earlier) seemed to enhance the story, rather than detract from what the original books were.

They slightly changed the ending of the series for Netflix. In the final book, the Baudelaires set sail away from the island into the unknown, and the fate of everyone is left up in the air. The contents of the infamous sugar bowl were never revealed. In the previous book, the plot that had been building up over multiple novels sharply about-faced and disposed of multiple storylines in one fell swoop of a fire.

It was frustrating to go that far in a series and not have answers, or a satisfying ending. I suppose that was the point: You don't always find out. You don't always get closure. You don't always find the ending of each story you come across. Life is nonsensical, and not always in a Dr. Seuss way. ASOUE was a series that was created to overturn the typical children's story, and its book ending did as well. I can appreciate that, but as a reader it was a hard pill to swallow.

For the Netflix series, the ending mostly stayed the same, but there were caveats. As Lemony's narration concludes, you get a montage of minor characters receiving happy endings and reunions for their stories. The Baudelaire's story is still left to mystery, but with Beatrice Snicket meeting Lemony and recounting the orphans' stories, it suggests they all did survive and at least made it to the mainland. And the contents of the sugar bowl were finally revealed.

There wasn't a thrilling conclusion, and it still ended with many open-endings. But just enough was answered to call the story concluded. Was this a concession to fans and for better ratings? I don't know, but I don't care. I am at peace with it.

Ending aside, from the actors to the makeup, costumes, sets, and more, it was a great series and should be commended for it.



As for the SS United States, it only appeared in episodes 3 & 4 of Season 1. After that season, the opening credits were changed, so the SS United States no longer appeared.

I did try to find an answer to why the SS United States was in the series. Multiple paths led to dead ends. My favorite attempt involved writing a letter to Lemony Snicket. I purchased a postcard with a picture of the SS United States on it, then charred and burned it to look like it had been through a fire.

Before & After charred SS United States
postcard 

Back of charred postcard

Note was as follows:

Dear Mr. Snicket,
   As a famed researcher + storyteller, I am humbled to be writing to you. I hope this letter reaches you in one piece. My enemies know no bounds to prevent me from learning the truth.
   I suffered through the newest adaption of your work "A Series of Unfortunate Events" on Netflix. I apologize I did not listen to your numerous warnings to look away.
   I have a very fine detail I would like to question you about that is crucial to my own personal investigations. In Episode 4 in the recent adaptations, the SS Prospero is portrayed by a CGI SS United States. The Netflix series avoids any specific tie-ins, except for Peru (but what is one more rope to an already tied-up country?) + the SS United States.
   My question, why was the SS United States chosen to appear as the Prospero?
   With all due respect,
   -A.J. Jelonek

The letter was sent, but no reply was received. I can only assume with the reignited interest in the Baudelaires' story, Snicket is on the lamb from his enemies.



FINAL THOUGHTS
My final thoughts remain unchanged.



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Monday, August 22, 2016

SS United States Silver Screen Review: Dead Man Down (2013)

"Even the most damaged heart can be mended"
                              - Quote from Dead Man Down

Dead Man Down. It's an action drama movie with gangsters, snipers, romance, death, Albanians, and the SS United States! What more could you want during an afternoon escaping the heat and humidity?

Colin Farrell stars as mostly-mute Victor, who is employed in NYC as a gangster and seeks revenge in his spare time. Along the way, he catches the stare of his disfigured neighbor Beatrice (Noomi Rapace). Love, death, and retribution ensue. Terrence Howard and Dominic Cooper also star.


I am so on the fence with this movie. I do enjoy the action and the revenge-seeking, but when it tries for romance, I don't think it knew what to do. I thought there was a little too much focus on the relationship, and not enough fighting taking place. My advice: why not tie the two plots more together?

Speaking of the romance, it was a lot more awkward than it needed to be. I get it, okay? They're both really, really rusty.

A lot of the focus for Beatrice and her story is on her scars from a car accident. It seems to really bother her, but honestly... it's really not that bad. She says she had to have facial reconstruction surgery after the accident, but her face looks amazing except for the lines on her face (which stand out less depending on the kind of lighting). The before-accident photos of her could have been taken after the accident. It could be argued that her perception of her disfigurement is in more in her head, but that doesn't explain the neighborhood kids. They call her "Monster," taunt her, and assault her every time they see her leaves the building (Who raised these kids??). It's a little excessive for a couple faded lines. It's a case of the makeup team failing meet the script's requirements. Also Hollywood afraid that the female lead cannot be too unattractive. It's a shame, and it brings the movie's realism down.

This movie wasn't all bad. The fighting and shooting, while few and far between, were fun to watch. The final one rocked. You have my girl hostage? Okay, I'll drive my truck right through your mansion's front door and crash through to the basement. It's ridiculously amazing.



That ship though? She's the star we're all here for.


Hollywood let all the ship's blemishes show, but that's what helped her get cast in the role of abandoned luxury liner/secret hostage holding location. Victor heads to an abandoned part of the city, driving past abandoned, overgrown piers. Moored to one of these piers is the SS United States (placed there via the magic of CGI). You see an aerial shot and a stern shot while he is driving and walking towards it.

Then, Victor gets on the ship. You see him walking around the ship, first going down the promenade deck, then going down the first class staircase, eventually wandering through the ballroom.

There are some chandeliers and bar props placed in the ballroom. I guess they were added to give some sense as to what that room was, or what kind of ship this was. With the whole ship gutted, it is hard to get a sense of any of the ship's grandeur (other than size). It's probably also there to give people (not obsessed with ocean liners) something to look at instead of bare yellow walls.

Victor then ends his journey through the ship in a hallway to unlock a door. In the next shot, he is in a pool, but it is a movie set. The SS United States' actual pool, deep in the bowels of the ship, is perpetually in darkness. With no power available and no available light like the other locations filmed, the pool understandably was unusable as a movie location.

The whole SS United States screen time is approximately 25 seconds, but it covers multiple locations. If you include the movie pool location as part of the "ship," the time on board totals around 5 minutes.

This is the first time feature film-goers have been given a peek inside the ship after her layup in 1969. The ship's current state helps give the scene an eerie, decaying atmosphere. I have seen videos and pictures of the ship, so I wasn't surprised in her condition, but it's still a little sad. I am glad a film studio found value in the ship, even in its current state. It just goes to show, even at the worst she has ever been, she is still usable and still has the potential for greatness.



FINAL THOUGHTS
The Movie: Needed more action, and everything else was problematic. 2/4
SS United States: Used exterior and interior as a filming location relevant to the plot. 4/4



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Sunday, July 17, 2016

SS United States Silver Screen Review: No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

"Morris, look at this apartment! I love it! It's so Jewish!"
               - Quote from No Way To Treat a Lady

 Tonight's the night we watch No Way to Treat a Lady! So what is this dark comedy about? The NYC police are out to catch a strangler murdering ladies. The uncatchable fiend has a different accent, costume, and persona every murder. You never know who he will be next!

I made the mistake of reading the book that the movie was based on before seeing the movie. As is the case with so many other adaptations, the book is better. The book was written by William Goldman. The story was one of his bestsellers before he wrote The Princess Bride. I felt a lot of the comedy and suspense fell away in the movie adaptation. They also took out a major character and changed the ending to be happier. It was disappointing. It lost some surprises, suspense, and bold character action/choices.

The acting was pretty good. I didn't know any of the actors before I saw this movie. Rod Steiger, Lee Remick, George Segal, all terrific. Eileen Heckart stole the movie as a Jewish mother of Morris, the NYPD Detective in charge of the strangler case. Doris Roberts (who I did know of before watching this movie, but didn't recognize while watching) shows up briefly as a woman with orange hair.



The book didn't mention any boats, so I did not think the ship would impact the movie much. I was correct.

Morris takes his girlfriend onto his "yacht," which turns out to be NY Police Boat No. 1. On their cruise in his "yacht," they pass Luxury Liner Row.

They pass a couple ships. You can see the RMS Queen Mary at Cunard's dock. Moored to the end of the dock is the tugboat Theresa Moran (Still in service, now named Cape Henry). Shortly after, the stern of the SS United States rolls by. Her forward funnel peeks out in the second shot of the couple's first kiss.

How can you hide a ship with funnels like those?
Still from No Way to Treat a Lady (1968) 

And then they sail away, and onto another scene.


FINAL THOUGHTS
The Movie: The book was better. 2.5/4
SS United States: Sailed by, seen in pieces. 2/4


Sources used:
No Way to Treat a Lady IMDB

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Tuesday, June 28, 2016

SS United States Silver Screen Review: 2012 (2009)

Guy: "I mean, I don't know, honey. I just feel like there's something pulling us apart." 
Ground: [Opens up between them]
                                                   - Quote/Scene from 2012


So 2012 was supposed to be the year the world ended. It didn't. Back in 2009, when it was still a possibility, Hollywood decided to capitalize in on the craze/fear. Thus 2012 was born.

The Plot? Everything's alright, then it's not. Worldwide disaster ensues.

Why is this happening? Due to planetary alignments and the sun freaking out, the Earth's core destabilizes and the Earth's crust moves around. Volcanoes, floods, rolling cruise ships, collapsing skyscrapers, crumbling monuments, earthquakes, airplanes, cliffs, floods, human nature, this movie has it all to cater to whatever disaster appeals to you.

This was another movie I had no intention of ever watching. It was better than I thought it would be, I'll give it that. The visuals were good, but crazy to the point of absurdity at points. The CGI is holding up pretty well.

The people and acting were alright. Nothing stood out. John Cusack & Woody Harrelson are in this. The deaths got to a point where it was just senseless, but, hey, it's a disaster movie. It wouldn't be much of a world-ending disaster without a mass human extinction. It was pretty suspenseful/stressful.



So how did the SS United States fare?

The ship cameo comes up pretty early in the movie. The movie starts off in India in 2009. A boy is playing with a toy SS United States in a puddle. A car drives past and hits the puddle. The wave created capsizes the boat. Is this foreshadowing for what is to come later on????????? Probably.

There is a cruise ship in this movie, the Genesis of the fictitious Azure Cruise Lines. The boat is based off of Freedom-class cruise ships. It does not fare well and capsizes, a-la Poseidon Adventure-style. It is assumed it does not recover, but a deleted scene taken out of the final cut depicts the boat and its passengers safe.

Do I think the SS United States could survive, even if it was fully functional? I know there are some who would say so, but I don't think so. The waves depicted in 2012 are super strong and huge. They show the aircraft carrier USS John F. Kennedy at the mercy of the waves, pancaking the White House. That ship was built in the 1960's at Newport News Shipbuilding, where the SS United States was constructed. Two huge ships in this movie, Genesis and JFK, are pushed around like playthings. These craft were built for regular seafaring weather, not the freak waves in this movie. The Big U wouldn't have done any better than its toy model.

What do you think? Could the SS United States could take on 2012?



FINAL THOUGHTS
The Movie: Disaster movie. Great visuals. 3/4
SS United States: It's a model of the ship. Used for heavy-handed foreshadowing. 1/4


Sources used:
USS John F. Kennedy (CV-67) Wikipedia Page
2012 IMDB


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Sunday, June 19, 2016

SS United States Silver Screen Review: Sabrina (1954)

"...And you're still reaching for the moon."
"No, father. The moon's reaching for ME."
- Quote from Sabrina (1954)

Sabrina is the story of Sabrina (Audrey Hepburn), the daughter of a chauffeur for a vastly rich Long Island family. Sabrina loves the family's youngest son David Larrabee (William Holden), but he barely acknowledges her existence. Sabrina's father sends her to Paris to go to cooking school for two years. When she returns, she finally is able to catch newly-engaged David's eye. But through mishaps and circumstance, she starts to also catch the attention of the family's older son, Linus Larrabee (Humphrey Bogart). A star-studded love triangle romance ensues. Who knows what will happen??

Sabrina was a pretty fun movie to watch. The person I was watching this with wasn't sure they were going to be able to stay up to watch the whole movie [we started the movie later than we expected], but we were both glued to the television from start to end.

The movie had great little lines throughout. David asks, "Where have you been all my life?" Sabrina coyly responds "Right over the garage." It was fun and witty. 

I didn't really feel any romance between Bogart and Hepburn. Bogart seemed to just be there. According to the movie's IMDB page, Bogart didn't like working with her. Holden and Hepburn had great chemistry, probably due to their off-screen romance.

(I have a great theory on how this movie could have turned out. It's a little long and a big tangent, but if you want to see it, it's below the Final Thoughts.)


Let's go find that ship!


There are four ocean liners seen in this movie.

As soon as I heard Sabrina was going to go to Paris, I thought, Ah, we'll get a nice 'Going to Paris by Boat' montage. Not so. She instantly appears there. Two years later, she says she'll be taking an airplane back home, and a second later instantly appears across the pond. Well okay, Sabrina, someone clearly doesn't understand that getting there is half the fun.

When Linus wants to go to France, he buys tickets for a ship. The SS United States? No, the SS Liberte, a well-known French Line/CGT ship (originally the German SS Europa). This becomes the main ship spoken about in the movie and is featured prominently in the climax & end.

The night before the Liberte sails, Linus and Sabrina are in Linus's office. What do they see out the window? The huge forward funnel of the SS United States!

Still from Sabrina (1954), featuring the SS United States

This was the ship's first cameo in a movie. She is not mentioned, but what needs mentioning when you have the most iconic funnels any ocean liner could have?

In the shot above, it looks like another night on luxury liner row. On the far right are the funnels of an unknown Cunard liner. In-between the United States and the Cunard ship is the SS Liberte. I didn't catch her here upon first watching because her dark funnels blend in with the background.

That's a great view our your window, right? Well, it's brought to you by the magic of film. From prominent exterior shots taken, Linus's office building is 30 Broad Street in Manhattan, aka the Continental Bank Building. This building is smack dab land-locked in the middle of the financial district. The United States Lines' pier (86, where the USS Intrepid is currently docked) is in Hell's Kitchen, almost in line with Times Square. About five miles away. That's some view without any skyscrapers in the way. Or, his office is actually on a soundstage and the "view" was another film overlaid on the background.

Still from Sabrina (1954), SS Liberte sails off in the distance.

The fourth ocean liner is a model in Linus's office. The Larrabee family is involved in numerous industries, including owning a shipping line. I assume the ship model is either a prominent ship in the line or a future endeavor Linus is planning. The model is never referred to, and the corner it inhabits rarely gets screen time.

The model ship in Linus's office in Sabrina (1954). This is the
best screen-grab, David (Holden) walks in front of it, so two
shots had to be combined.



FINAL THOUGHTS:
Movie: It was pretty enjoyable, pacing holds up well for today. 4/4
SS United States: It's the actual ship. It's just there because it was in town the night they filmed. 2/4




This series is to bring awareness to the SS United States, a historic American ocean liner. She is currently berthed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, awaiting restoration. Learn more on her story at ssusc.org.
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*My crazy tangent: Sabrina's character was kind of creepy at first. If the beginning of the movie was kept and the rest of it was rewritten today, let me tell you, this would be an entirely different movie. It has the whole setup for a crazy thriller. Sabrina spies on David at the family's party from a tree. She's able to be invisible until she wants to be seen. She follows David, and keeps spying on his romance with a random girl. She's so devastated he's going after the random girl, she tries to commit suicide in the most dramatic way possible - turning on the Larrabee family's 8 cars and closing the garage doors. She goes off to Paris for two years, and comes back an entirely new person. She's fine David is engaged... or is she?

Watch the video below of Sabrina's narrating at the 1:36 mark, and watch for her glance up.


It's exactly the moment when someone with a devious revenge plan would look up.

From there, the 1954 movie takes a romance route. A 2016 movie would have Sabrina take revenge and terrorize (possibly murder) David and his fiancee. Sabrina is clearly an unstable person, ready at a moment to explode her fury. 'If I can't have him, no one will!' Madness would ensue.
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