Beachfront Bastards: An Homage to McMansion Hell

McMansion Hell is a blog run by Kate Wagner with a refreshing look at the "elite" houses that grow like weeds with terrible/interesting architectural details. Wagner defines McMansions as oversized, poorly-designed / cheaply constructed, and disrespectful to the architectural art form.

“McMansions don’t follow the rules of traditional architecture, but really love to use the icons and the symbols, and the shapes of traditional architecture like columns and window styles, and the box with the roof, though the roof is three times as big as the box. … There’s no regard for basic massing, scale, you know, the rules of architecture, because they were designed mostly from the inside out, and mommy really needed her cathedral ceilings in the bathroom.”                            - Kate Wagner at TEDxMidAtlantic

While humorously roasting and critiquing McMansions, she also educates and helps to increase her readers' architectural literacy. It's really a great, entertaining blog that has helped me get better at describing the architecture I write about. If you haven't checked it out yet, definitely do so.

A couple years ago, I was walking around a beach town during the off-season and saw some homes that made me double take in a bad way. I discovered there was no escaping McMansions, even on vacation. I call this group Beachfront Bastards. Clearly a subset of McMansions, these are oversized beach rental properties. They can vary in expense. The cheaper ones using wooden/plastic siding to protect against the elements, but also features extra decks, balconies, and towers. The more expensive ones are full-on McMansions along the beach with all the flourishes, bells, and whistles.

In a loving homage to McMansion Hell, I present my own critiques.

Windows are the Eyes of the Beholder, or Something:

Same house, different angle:

The Split-Level of Madness:

so many different windows...

Pacific Northwest on the East Coast:

Group Party House with only a 2-Car Garage:

Then I started imagining if this house had more floors, and photoshopped (via Paint) what that would look like...

And then I said MORE!

And then I said ENOUGH! .. But it was too late. The creature was uncontrollable. It could and would not stop until every inch of the world was covered in McMansions. 

Fin